But First...

Before I even attempt to answer the questions posed in my lost blog entry, I would like to share a video with you that really helped me to clarify a few things about our calling, our responsibilities and  our priorities before God and man- issues upon which in the past I have swung from one extreme to the other. Please do watch this- it is not an academic treatise, a rabble-rousing oratorial masterpiece, or a homespun "Chicken Soup for the Missionary" piece of fluff, but a talk that reveals the heart of Jesus, and, in doing so, brings life to our own souls. Please do share your heart responses- I was deeply impacted by this message when I listened to it at the beginning of our sabbatical. Enjoy!

Roadblocks!

Two months ago, my wife and I entered our first ever sabbatical; three months of rest, refocusing, restoration and refreshment, not an empty time but guided through the support of our mission agency, our home church, spiritual directors and coaches. The journey has been challenging, exciting, and difficult in places, but so helpful for us both. However, as we started, there were some concerns amidst the expectancy, the thankfulness. I believe that questions such as these could become roadblocks as we journey on The Way, causing us to shrink back from fully engaging with transformational practices such as rest, silence, solitude, lectio divina, etc, etc. 

1) Is the need for sabbatical a sign of our failure?

2) Should I feel guilty because we have this opportunity, whereas others don't? 

3) Why do I feel a sense of loss and disorientation?

4) Is the idea of retreat and sabbatical self-indulgent?

5) What if nothing happens? If nothing changes?

6) What if I don't want to come down off the mountain to re-engage with life in the valley?

7) Will daily life detract from the purpose for the sabbatical?

8) Will others (workmates, friends, family) understand?

Before I seek to answer any of these questions, I would love to hear what others think- not necessarily the answers, but what they stir up in you- what resonates, what irritates, what challenges, what hurts? And are there other questions that you have faced as roadblocks on The Way?

How Shall We Sing the Songs of Zion in a Strange Land?

Bangkok: a city of 605.7 square miles, population 8.3 million people. Like many cities, noisy, polluted, a massive contrast of the super rich and the extremely poor. A bureaucracy that delights in confusion, where things that may be simple to get done elsewhere are time consuming, and often seem to be pointless. An assault on the senses in so many ways. Always hot, extremely humid, conducive to trips to one of the many malls rather than to the park or into the beauty of creation.  Hardly a place for the contemplative, reflective life to take root, let alone flourish! And yet so similar to the environment that so many of us find ourselves in.

Family: A wonderfully(!) chaotic family of 5: myself (51), my wife, Bee (49), both involved in working with women at risk in Bangkok, and three children: a son (Sam) who links through Facebook and Skype from another continent (studying in Bournemouth, England); one 9 year old daughter (Ari), who loves dancing, playing with her friends, and has an encyclopaedic knowledge of the voice providers for cartoon movies; and Earn, our soon to be daughter, who continues to recover after a horrific motorbike accident, needs pretty constant attention, and whose delight is to empty every cupboard of every toy without playing with them for more than five minutes! The house is rarely quiet, until my exhausted wife (Bee) puts the kids to bed (and regularly stays there herself!) at about 9.00pm, when I try to gather the scattered parts of the day into a cohesive whole, to make sense of where God has been at work, even as I gather the debris that covers the floor and every flat surface in our living room/dining room/kitchen/play room! Although my mind is tired, my body refuses to shut down until far too late, by which time I am dreading the 5.30 alarm call to get the kids up and off to two different schools. Again, not the best soil for a sustainable rhythm of life to grow, but, yet again, similar to the family lives of so many.

Myself: Where to start?!! A bundle of contradictions: a loving husband who often finds himself in conflict with his long-suffering wife; a family man who finds raising children exhausting; a teacher of grace and forgiveness who frequently fails to find grace for himself or others; a middle aged man who sometimes feels like the mid life crisis started some 20 years ago and shows no signs of abating; a lover of the idea of rest and rhythm in life whose soul seems to be driven by polyrhythms; A scattered, fragmented individual, frequently lacking focus and easily distracted. Fertile soil for spiritual discipline and formation? Hardly, and yet again, I feel I am not alone in this condition. 

This blog is inspired by the feeling that here must be more than this; that God's people can sing God's hymns in the alien land of the city, our families and our own souls; that there can be a reordering, a rearrangement, a realignment; that silence, solitude and other formational practices can find root in the soil of modern urban life; and that these practices are not in conflict with our engagement with the mission of God's people, but are needful for the spiritual health of the mission and those engaged in it. So, the question remains..

"How shall we sing the songs of Zion in a strange land?"

I invite you to join in the journey- feel free to get on and off wherever, to explore the terrain, soak in the sights and move on; but above all, I invite you to sing, sing, sing (in rhythm, of course!)